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By Wise Diva Monday, October 6, 2008, 08:00 AM
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I am no dating expert (I know, you’re shocked!), but one way I have managed to reduce a little romantic angst: put the dating microscope away. How many men have I placed under the man microscope? Sadly, too many.
The urge to analyze is driven by the need to know: How do they feel about me? Where is this going? Men and women can sometimes try to decipher each other in hopes of protecting themselves from mistakes. The problem with that? It.Does.Not.Work. Sure you can speculate a lot, but how well has that really worked for you so far?
I can remember a time when I would: recruit my girls to do full out recon on a potential mate, call post-date meetings and debrief about the date, and spend hours and hours waiting by the phone.
Can I tell you that I refer to those years the clueless era of my dating career? Talk about an exercise in futility! So to you, beloved Misadventures in Atlanta readers, a wise tip: stop trying to read men/women, pin point someone’s intentions, over analyze.
All you have to do is simply pay attention and take your time. That’s right, time reveals all - excuse me for sounding like an 80s song, but it’s true!
Personally, I don’t think any woman on the planet can say that analyzing her man, trying to read his mind, has actually resulted in a healthy, happy relationship with mutual respect. It ticks the guy off to be scrutinized so unnecessarily. They don’t like it and you (ok we!) are bad at it.
Guys, can you remember a time when you felt that the person you were dating were overyanalyzing you? What did they do or say? How could you tell? Do you think they did this because you were sending mixed messages? Or do you think this is typical female behavior? Do you have any advice for women to avoid this behavior?
Ladies, do you suffer from the man under the microscope syndrome? Is it hard for you to stop over-analyzing the men you date? Have you ever dated someone who seemed to over-analyze you? What did you do?